I bought my friend an elephant for their room.
They said “Thank you.”
I said “Don’t mention it.”
LET’S DO A REVIEW OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH
WE GOT THIS SHIT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT THANKS TO BERRY-SCENTED TUMBLR USER JENNYLOGGINS
I AM A HULKING, BURLY, MASCULINE MAN, SO USUALLY I USE OLD SPICE OR IRISH SPRING OR SOME MANLY SHIT LIKE THAT BUT TODAY I WAS OUT OF SOAP SO I USED THIS SHIT
FIRST OFF LET’S START WITH THE PACKAGING
THIS FUCKING RAINBOW-ASS UNICORN IS THERE IN THE SHOWER EVERY DAY, EVERY FUCKING DAY THIS LITTLE FAGGOT SITS THERE AND GIVES ME THAT SULTRY GAZE WHILE IM TRYING TO CLEAN MY VULNERABLE NAKED ASS
rub me on your body
ALSO IT’S WORTH NOTING THAT THIS SHIT COMES WITH A WARNING NOT ONLY TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN BUT THAT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN CAN GIVE YOU RASHES AND PROBABLY UNICORN HERPES OR SOME OTHER SHIT
IDK ABOUT YALL BUT LAST I CHECKED THE EXACT PURPOSE OF BODY WASH IS PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN SO THAT RIGHT THERE WAS A RED FLAG BUT I PROCEEDED, ALBEIT WITH PROPER PRECAUTION AS TO AVOID APPLYING AROUND MY EYES AS DIRECTED BY THE PACKAGING OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. ALSO IT SAYS TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THEY ARE MARKETING THIS PRODUCT NOT FOR CHILDREN BUT FOR GROWN MEN SUCH AS MYSELF
I APPLIED A GENEROUS AMOUNT TO MY HANDS TO BEGIN THE CLEANING.
i’m so fucked up
AND THAT WAS WHEN THE MOST POTENT SMELL OF ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED BERRY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE HIT ME LIKE A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE
I NEARLY FELL OVER IN THE SHOWER. IT WAS SO FUCKING BERRY. IT WAS LIKE I MADE SWEET LOVE TO AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC BERRY WOMAN AND DOVE NOSE-FIRST INTO HER GUSHING FRUITY LOINS. THERE WAS NO FURTHER DOUBT THAT THIS WAS INDEED LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. IT’S NO WONDER LISA FRANK’S ART IS ALL SO COLORFUL, SHE’S FUCKING HIGH AS BALLS HUFFING HER BERRY-ASS BODY WASH.
IT GOT ME CLEAN BUT I HAVE A HEADACHE FROM ALL THAT FUCKING BERRY. I UNDERSTAND THE WARNING LABEL NOW. THIS SHIT IS PROBABLY TOXIC TO SMALL CHILDREN, IT’LL BERRY THEIR FUCKING BRAIN CELLS TO DEATH. DO NOT TRUST THAT SULTRY UNICORN. YOU SEE THE MILKY WHITE COLOR IT’S PROBABLY HIS SPOOGE IN THAT BOTTLE IT’S NOT EVEN BODY WASH I JUST CLEANED MYSELF WITH BUBBLY BERRY UNICORN BATTER
0/10 WOULD NOT BERRY AGAIN
I FUCKING AM CHOKING AND PEEING AND DYING OF LAUGHTER I JUST FUCKING CAN’T RIGHT NOW. PLEASE REVIVE ME SWEET LORD.
This post is my life force
note to self: make an audio post of this
a happy couple might’ve got married today
someone might’ve kissed their best friend and realized they are gay today
someone might’ve found out they were officially cancer free today
someone might’ve finally finished their debut novel today
lots of interesting things might’ve happening today
we should celebrate
you’re the kind of person everyone needs in their lives
why is it that were always told not to get tattoos at a young age because we “will regret it later on” when we are basically told to choose a career path by age 18? i’d rather be 40 years old with a tattoo that meant something to me when i was young than be 40 years old not wanting to get out of bed to go to a job that i hate because i was forced to decide on a career in my teens
why they gotta drag beyonce into 50 shades of grey
HOLY SHIT INCEST ON A STICK HE JUST PUSHED A CHILD OUT OF A FUCKING 10-STORY WINDOW
Looks like somebody just started watching Game of Thrones.
finDING GOOD QUALITY STUFF FOR SUPER CHEA P
that feeling you get when someone texts you first is literally the best because youre like “wow you were actually thinking about me”
Jónsi- Where No One Goes
Music from How To Train Your Dragon 2
THIS SONG BRINGS ME LIFE
The Cube desktop 3D home printer by 3D Systems
Putting this on the Xmas list!
MASS MARKETED 3D PRINTING IS HAPPENING.
I REPEAT, MASS MARKETED 3D PRINTING IS HAPPENING.
DO NOT PRINT A DILDO!
Even the best 3D printers have tiny gaps for bacteria at least, and can cause tiny cuts at worst.
Print a dildo mould and fill it with latex.
Unless you’re printing tiny dildos to put in a bag so when someone is a jerk you can throw tiny dicks at them and tell them to “go eat a dick”. Then by all means, print tiny dicks.
Wizardstan dropping some knowledge
Professor: Your essay must be 3,000 - 6,000 words
So i finally watched Hannibal and i just finished season 2 and I am just beside myself